bb, have you already walk out of our r/s? hmmm... in your life, maybe there isnt me anymore... but in my life, it seems that you are everywhere... why? i have not been in such misery before... as my friend says maybe its our r/s short thus happy thus its hard for me to take it... but i think it is not true... im totally in love with you just that you cant imagine how deep is it... always need to hide this deep feeling and thoughts from you just because im afraid you would only stay further from me if you know i had been loving you all along... but this is definitely not how i want it to be like... but what can i do? even if not bgr, i still hope to be your that close friend... why cant i? why cant you? staying away from me, isnt what i want, is not going to stop me from loving you... so why? am i that irrtating to you? i have once told you you are my pillar... without my pillar, where can i get my forces from? because of you, i believe i can... because of you, i believe in love... because of you, im able to play bowling well... and many many more... maybe you have already forgotten what have we been thru? but i had never forget... even a fishball it can remind me of you... of how to be able to hold a round food with chopstick... for you just for you i can do anything... you expect your gf to bring a packet of tissue everytime going out, from i always forget till i buy from shop even before i meet you up till i finally remember to bring tissue with me everytime... you wish your gf able to cook a meal for you, im planning to do it... but there isnt any chance anymore... im not a person who have high expectation from my bf... i do not have bad temper... i trust you... i do care for you... i never lie to you... i do love you... but why? why cant i have you? whats so nice about you? i keep asking myself... maybe you just not worth it... but why? why do i have to pin hope on someone who dun love me anymore? its been more than one month... heart still ache sometimes... even people date me out, you are the only one in my mind and heart... though i wish that i could go out with you, but you are not the one who date me out... im silly, silly to find out about you through all means... ever since you back to blogging, i have check it out every single day whenever is possible... everytime pass by tutorial rooms, i will always peek in hoping to see you there... walking at the path along the printing shop, always look out for your shadow... knowing that what time is your lesson end, just hoping to go off at that time hoping that can meet you on e way... everyday in school, just hoping to meet you somewhere... knowing that you always go north canteen eat, knowing where will you be sitting at, maybe you dunno, i always peek on you from top level... all and all, just because of you... i realise im truely in love with you... but you aren't anymore... sometimes think back on the day you break up with me, the things you say, your eye expression, it hurts me... saving every msg you send to me... dun wish to delete but dun dare to see... maybe its fate ba... my phone spoil and cant even switch on for me to transfer msg... all the msg is all include those msg u send me in vietnam... all gone... i was so upset... is it a hint for me to stop all these? neither can i choose now... choose whether to hold on to this love or give up... im so upset...

see siew boon!!! i hate you for leaving me... i love you for once loved me... this is the love-hate feeling that i have for you... don't don't care me... i dunno what can i do... even now, we cant be back to how we started to know each other in vietnam... i dun want... i really dun wish things to be in this way... tell me that you still love me... tell me everything is jus a prank... tell me that you are forever my pillar... i know you are not going to do that... i know... school end le... lesser chance to meet you up... i bet i will miss you alot too...

ps: bb, love you... muackx.. =D
@ 10:15 PM

Monday, February 09, 2009